


Thou Shalt Continue

by Feathers



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 12:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7463877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feathers/pseuds/Feathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath, nothing has changed. Except that it has. Cassidy just want things to be okay. (Post S1E7)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Little Louder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm neither irish or texan so... yeah. forewarning about that, i guess. also, i don't know how to title things.
> 
> EDIT: this will gradually get a higher rating. i'll note it before the chapter as a warning.

“Ten times, Cass.”

The words came to him through a plaster wall, it seemed – one fallen on top of him and a pile of bricks beneath him, both rubbing all along his body like sandpaper, peeling away his skin. That was weird. “Wussat yer sayin’?” he questioned the voice. Apparently his eyes are in fact open and he just hadn’t noticed. And there was no plaster wall above him, but a wall of light cast through a shadow.

“You told him ten times, but he ain’ hear ya ‘til the last,” the voice told him, sharp and sweet, smelling of vanilla. This was the second time he’s heard this voice at the brink of death. Thing is, this death could have actually happened. A glass shard in the neck is a lot easier to deal with than a preacher man with a god complex, Cassidy figured.  
“Guess I jus’ had ta say it louder,” Cass chuckled. He would figure his throat burned with speaking, but that was nothing compared to his skin.

“I guess ya did,” she whispered. Cass could hear it now, better than he could see her face. She was crying, but it wasn’t entirely for him. He could tell. There was a bitterness there. “Not gonna ask if yer in heaven an’ I’m an angel?”

“Tulip,” he scoffed with a touch of humour, “You an’ I both know shite like me ain’ goin’ ta heaven when the time comes.” She sniffles a small laugh. The shadow above him grows in his vision. The sun was setting, but not yet past the horizon, and he’s thankfully in the shade now, but she has an umbrella as well. Thoughtful. His head is in her lap again, just like last time.

“S’he makin’ plans to start the mob with pitchforks an’ torches, now?” Cass adds with jest.

“What, an’ reverse all the fires he’s just put out?” she corrects him. Huh. So Jesse did save him. And just left him outside it seems. The preacher was just as confused as Cass was.

“Yer an idiot, ya know that?” Tulip scolded him. “Riskin’ yer life just to- to what exactly? Prove that you’re a vampire?”  
Now that was the question, and Cass wasn’t exactly sure how to answer. Not if he thought too much about it, anyways. So he thought of how soft she was beneath his head. She was definitely not a pile of bricks, no. That immense pain was fading rather quickly really, and so he could enjoy her more. This woman who had every right to just leave him behind. She didn’t have to care for him, but she did. That’s how he fell so hard, so quickly. Tulip O’Hare didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do, and she chose to be gentle with him. Not many people have given him kindness so freely, before.

“To prove he’s not the man he’s tryin’ ta be,” Cass confessed after a moment, sideways smile faltering. Cassidy believed his heart that he was right, but here he is in the dirt, skin turned to ash. Jesse may have put out the fire and saved him, but it was apparent that Jesse just left him here.

But Tulip had frozen. He could see her now. His eyes healed enough to see the look on her face, and it broke his heart. That was what she was trying to do. This entire time, she had been trying to prove to Jesse that he wasn’t some holier-than-thou preacher man. Her lips were between a smile and a grimace, and he wanted to kiss away her sadness, but that wasn’t his job now was it. Damn, did Proinsias Cassidy really have a habit of stepping in it.

“I’m sorry,” he offered. “I ‘pparently ‘ave a reputation o’ puttin’ my two cents where it ain’ needed.” He paused, trying to gauge whether she was about to punch him or not. “I should’na done tha’- what I did with the theatrics. Jesse’s your man. But- ya see, I do know some things and I needed ta do som’fin ta get ‘is head out ‘is arse and show ‘im that this in’t part o’ some big plan and-”

“No one ever believes you,” she cut him off, thank Christ. “Not really. You tell the truth and, most times, you bank on them thinking it’s so ridiculous, but at least you don’t have lyin' on yer conscience.”

“Hey, now. I lie like any normal arsehole, too, sometimes,” Cassidy defended himself, squinting and not really confirming or denying the other bit.

“But you told me, before, that he can make you do things with just his words.” Her words shrouded a still fury- her gaze boring into the space two inches next to his head, past him.

“An’ ya din’ believe me,” Cassidy breathed, and not because of the pain. Not the physical pain, at least.

Just like that, Cassidy was in the dirt again and the sound of stomping drifted away from where he lay. For a moment, he knew he deserved no less, but then he remembered. This wasn’t about him right now.

Cassidy wrenched himself off the ground and nearly fell trying to pick up his hoodie as he followed after Tulip’s gathering storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want cassidy to be happy, but when he hurts, i hurt, and i kinda like it.


	2. A Little Quieter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to remember that you can't always take it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my "hello, I am awake today, and still writing" mini chapter

The last of the sun was sinking beneath the horizon, but there was enough light to see a man, crazed, digging his way into the floor of the church, yelling into the earth for no one to hear. “Come back,” was the mantra Jesse repeated, over and over, making his voice go horse. “Come back.”

Either he’d run himself dry on Genesis for the time being, or it only affected those who were the intended target – “Come back” – because Tulip and Cassidy were rather willingly coming back to the man, whether he liked it or not.

Cassidy might only be able to move so fast at the moment, but he wasn’t too far behind Tulip. Thing is, he didn’t think she planned on stopping before her boot was in the preachers face. “Jess, mate,” Cass tried to warn him.

“Come back!” He kept digging.

“Jesse Custer!” Tulip called out, much angrier and breathier because she was still charging.

“Come back, come back, co-” the words came out not unlike sobs, now.

Jesse was using a spade to dig deep, but occasionally he would borrow his fingers into the earth or move a plank away. That was, until Tulip kicked the handle of the spade – still currently in Jesse’s grasp – into his face, sufficiently stopping his actions. Like the fire extinguisher to the nose, this gave Jesse pause, confused. It made him bleed. Cassidy tried to ignore how it was himself and Tulip that hurt him more than most bar fights.

“What have you done?” Tulip barked, quieter now, but equally deadly.

Cassidy expected a _“Dug a hole in the floor,”_ or a _“Gotten hit. Twice, today, thank you,”_ or something else that was avoiding the question, like he had done all day. Instead, Jesse ignored the cut on his forehead from the spade and grumbled low, but deep enough to feel Jesse’s bones rattle with his confession, “I sent that boy to Hell, Tulip.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently still writing this. I'm not planning chapter lengths, so, sorry this one was short. I'm trying a new thing, because normally when I write, either it's a smutty one-shot, or I just never finish it.


	3. A Little Softer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warmth is only ever followed by empty cold.

“So, you sent an innocent kid to hell,” Tulip confirmed, a little breathily. Seeing as Cassidy was too injured to play guinea pig, Tulip volunteered herself to be subject to Jesse’s powers. It was hopping and twirling, as he had done to Cass, but there was no divulging of secrets, nothing embarrassing. Jesse was becoming more and more afraid of what he could do, it seemed. Or really, what his words could be interpreted as.

“He wasn’t innocent,” Jesse defended himself half-heartedly.

They were in the kitchen again. Back in their seats from dinner.

“Whether he was or wasn’t don’t make you the man to decide wh-” Tulip said.

“I know,” Jesse cut her off. What followed was a dangerous silence. Cassidy sat with his head laying upon his arms on the table. His face was tucked into the bend of his elbow. It took most of his effort to just speak, and he was fucking tired. Otherwise he’d defend Eugene again, with Tulip. But speaking right now, after Jesse bitterly interrupted Tulip, seemed like a bad idea.

Cass felt her warmth next to his arm. She was close. He wondered – hoped, even – if she wanted to comfort him, but was afraid to touch his burns. Really, he figured that right now she was trying to keep herself from beating the living shit out of the preacher.

By this time, Jesse would probably accept it. The man seemed almost as tired as Cass felt.

She readjusted, and it sounded like the muscles of a snake coiling to attack. “What’re you gonna do?”

Cass could feel Jess’ eyes on him. He wondered if that was a part of Genesis, too. Cass finally spoke up with, “My bet is, we ‘ave to get Beavis n’ Baldy.” It must have either been something pitiful in his voice, or something in the way Jesse was looking at Cass, because then he felt Tulip’s hand in his hair – or what was left of it. Just a soothing, continuous pet.

“What about you?” she asked gingerly. “Why ain’cha healin’ like yer suppose’ to?” He had a feeling she knew why, but was asking in case there was an alternative. They weren’t in the hospital this time, so there was no free blood to nick. “Angels can’t heal ya, can they.”

He chuckled at that. It was more of a statement than a question, he knew. “Only way an angel would probably help me is if it were puttin’ me down,” he coughed, lifting his head to look at her. “Don’ figure they’d be willin’ ta donate a pint or two, do ya?”

“I reckon not,” she admitted. She stopped petting his head to let him sit up, her fingers barely skimming the peeling skin of his jaw and neck. Must be checking the damage. Didn’t stop him from leaning into her touch, though.

“What were you tryin’ to prove, Cassidy?” the preacher demanded from across the table. But the text wasn’t in red, so it wasn’t a command, at least. Actually, this was the first thing Jesse had said directly to him this entire time, he realized. Shite. If he could control his face right now, he’d try not to look so scared. “I realize you might wanna see yourself as a sacrifice for me to open my eyes,” the preacher continued. This was the preacher speaking. Not Jesse. Not his best friend. “But martyrs die, an’ you didn’t.” Cass smiled reflexively, giggling as he does when he’s nervous, eyes switching from the preacher to Tulip, back and forth. Tulip just looks at him expectantly. She knows there’s more than what he initially told her. “If you’re half the sinner you think you are, why did you think I would save you?”

“’Cause you’re his best friend, Jesse,” Tulip said, dissolving the tension with a simple declaration. “He’s been saying it this entire time, but he had to prove it to you.” She was speaking to Jesse, but was staring at Cass as she spoke, and the look in her eyes would have made him weep if he were a few decades younger. She knew what he had said before wasn’t a lie. Cass did want to prove that Jesse wasn’t the man who could send a boy to hell and not think twice. She also knew that it wasn’t the entire story. Proinsias Cassidy was a liar and a manipulator, but he liked to think he was just a little selfless. “You fall in love jus’ a lil’ too easy, darlin’,” Tulip said with a small smile. She was talking to Cass now, no doubt.

Jesse scoffed and laughed with something akin to hatred in his tone. Cassidy curled in on himself a little more. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Jesse didn’t care about him. Jesse could still be a good man, but that didn’t mean he had to like a scummy vampire. The feeling in his chest right now was similar to how he felt in the storage closet. With each huff Jesse laughed, or word Tulip gave to the preacher, he learned that these people didn’t need him. Didn’t want him.

“After all this mess, it should be me that has somethin’ to prove.”

The words were like cold water splashed in his face. Disorienting and startling, Cass sat back a little more, pulling his arms into his lap, confused. Scared. Jesse stood from his chair and began pacing slowly, hand running through his hair. “You’ve been more of a friend than I deserve, Cass,” Jesse stated. “Vampire or no, all you’ve done here is try to help me.”

“To be honest, mate, yer makin’ it sound a lot nicer than it actually is,” Cass muttered. “I know I can be lovely company an’ all, but _‘pain in th’arse’_ tends to be a permanent descriptor in my bio.”

Jesse laughed again. “But never an unwanted one.”

“Even when I bunted ya with the extinguisher?” Cassidy guessed, still nervous.

“I deserved that.” And he had.

“How about tha’ time I flushed whilst you was takin’ a shower?”

“You didn’t know the water would go cold. Most houses these days don’t do that.” Cass felt Tulip’s hand on his knee under the table, squeezing comfortingly, even as she laughed at what he was saying.

“An’ the second time?”

“You’re forgetful,” Jesse finally stopped pacing and braced both hands on the back of the chair he’d been sat in, tired smile on his face. Cassidy bodily braced himself for what was coming next.

“An’ how about when Tulip an’ I made love an’ I never told ya?” Her grasp on his knee tightened.

“Tulip makes her own decisions,” Jesse said without even a hint of hesitation. That exact reaction came from so far out of left field that Cassidy could taste the puke as it trickled back into his throat. If Cass had had any sign of solid food in his body (aside from the hash browns and vegetables he had puked out in a blaze of unglory earlier) he swears he would have shat himself in that moment. “She also tells me everything,” Jesse drawled on, eyes shifting to Tulip with a twinkle of humour. “Whether I’m keen on hearin’ it or not.”

Silence. Waiting. Two sets of eyes on Cass, and for the first time in a long time, he’s at a loss for words. “Have I fainted from pain an’ shock, or did you jus’ say you knew?”

“You didn’t tell me on account of wantin’ to keep Tulip safe,” Jesse said.

“An’ yerself,” Tulip added, arching an eyebrow at him. “Which is reasonable, on account’a Jesse’s power trip recently.”

“But, ya see, you an’ I both know ain’t no one that can defend Tulip better’an herself.” Jesse walked over and put his hands atop her shoulders now, squeezing a little, perhaps in annoyance at her statement.

“Aye, I’ve noticed,” Cassidy said in a cautious higher key, still not quite sure this was reality.

Jesse looked down to Tulip as he spoke. “Jus’ like Tulip here, you don’t wanna keep anythin’ from the people you love,” the preacher said plainly, letting the implication hang in the air with the scent of burnt vanilla. “It just took you a lil’ longer to realize.”

Cassidy began to feel a warmth that wasn’t his flesh, but came from inside. In the past, the feeling just foreshadowed heartbreak, and now was no different, but he let it happen anyway. He let the feeling sweep him away like he always did. Idiot man.

Cass looked to Tulip again. The woman who could tame a hot-blooded preacher and a reckless vampire. The woman who he’d fallen for instantaneously time and time again. Tulip was looking up at Jesse like he was the only one in the room. They were soulmates and Cassidy was just getting in the way. Again, it seems.

Cassidy did what he always does. He got up and walked away. Walked out the kitchen door. Walked off and began to ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i like writing about rejection


	4. A Little Harder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't what you expected when you thought you'd lost it all again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gets a little racier this time around. There's blood mentioned, but it's not entirely graphic I believe, so read at your own caution.
> 
> Edit: I'd also probably call this part mature, so imma change the rating.

Now, Cassidy wasn’t the most graceful creature, but he likes to think he can set one foot in front of the other. But given his current condition, he should have been more prepared to navigate the rocky ground. Instead, he was on the ground again, staring up at the twilight Texas sky. It was only a moment when he heard rushed footsteps coming towards him.

Jesse and Tulip kneeled at his sides, looks of worry on the both of them. “You idiot,” Jesse said, concern very apparent in his voice. “Why’d ya run like that?” 

“S’what I do best, pardre,” Cass grunted. He wished he’d still had his shirt. There may have been a hole in it from his getting shot in the stomach, but it would have at least helped prevent the dirt getting into his still open wounds. Reduce the sting. 

 

* * *

 

“Yer willin’ te what?” Cassidy spat, eyes wide in disbelief. Today was just an off day. Must’ve been, because he’s been hearing a lot of things that just don’t make sense. Ever since Jesse _didn’t_ kick his ass for sleeping with Tulip, to the both of them being able to read him more than he’s comfortable with, to this.

“You’ve done helped me, now let me help you.” Cassidy was honestly dumbfounded. Jesse didn’t look comfortable with his own decision, and that was perhaps a very big reason as to why Cass hadn’t taken him up on the offer immediately.

“I ain’t even fixed yer air conditioning, yet,” the vampire threw out there as an excuse. Jesse laughed. A good kind of laugh. Throwing his head back just a bit. Then Cass could see the pulse point flicker. He licked his lips.

“You said it yerself, right?” Tulip cut in, sitting on the edge of the bed. She held Cass’ hand lightly, almost as if she didn’t know what she was doing. What she did to him. “You haven’t had blood in a while. And, from what I’ve seen, that’s why it’s taking forever for you to heal. Drinking blood will help you heal faster.” Cass couldn’t even try to lie and deny it. She’d seen it happen herself. “Simple,” she ended it, just like that. As if Jesse letting Cass feed off of him wasn’t some really big stuff.

“An’ yer okay with this, pardre?” Cass asked softly. “I mean, ya only jus’ found out what I was today.” He neglected mentioning that he walked away only after just putting out the fire.

Jesse paused. He didn’t hesitate, no. But he thought for a moment to himself, weighing the pros and cons, so it seemed.  
“You say I won’t become one?” Jesse inquired, tilting his head as he looked straight into Cassidy. Cass only worried because this act involved a lot of trust. Not Cass trusting him, but Jesse trusting Cass.

“Promise.” And he did. He’d never give this curse to either of them. “It’s a lot like when yer dona’in at a blood drive. Only quicker.” At least, that’s what someone once told him. When it had happened to him, he was suffocating under water, and she didn’t stop until he was dry. “Honestly, I could go find a deer or summin’-”

“You can hardly walk on your own, Cass,” Tulip said firmly, taking his focus for a moment. Tulip, on the other hand, seemed a bit bored of them taking so long to come to a decision.

“I trust you, Cass.” 

 

* * *

 

It took them a while to find a position. Initially, Cassidy would have just taken from his arm, but from years of drug use, Jesse’s veins were not what they once were. A spot that would bleed enough but not too much. But they also needed an easy position for Cassidy to hold himself, and for Jesse to pull away should he start feeling sick. There was a bandage at the side, ready to be applied.

So here they were, Jesse sat shirtless at the foot of his own bed, Tulip standing in front of him, Cassidy kneeling behind him on the bed. Cass had seen those scars on Jesse’s back before, but never this close. For being his best friend, there was a lot that Cassidy didn’t know about the preacher. Those tattoos were just staring at him. The mysterious star from a mean old lady and-

Well, Tulip. Two Tulips were staring him down, now. One was intimidating enough, and neither of them his.

Tulip had pulled a pocket knife out of her boot. Cassidy wondered where her nice red heels had gone, but figured she’d hung them up for the day after dinner. She’s just always prepared for anything – even if it was cutting a clean incision into her boyfriend’s back. It was about two inches long, not too deep, placed up and to the left of his right shoulder blade, and something about her precision told Cassidy that she’d done something along these lines before, if not for this same reason.

Cass watched as she rubbed and squeezed at the skin surrounding the cut, willing the blood to come out. He looked up to her for permission. With a wordless confirmation from Jesse to her, conveyed to him, Cass gently placed his lips around the incision.

Blood was blood, whether you were a vampire or not. It didn’t suddenly begin to taste like sex between your teeth, but it did effect how you felt. The copper tinged liquid sputtered under his tongue, seeping into the back of his throat. Now, after about a century of depending on the stuff, Cass could taste the difference between some things. Chicken, cow, anemic, diseased, human. Preacher was very much human, but there was something else. It may have very well been Genesis. Hadn’t thought of that, had they?

Cassidy could honestly say he didn’t care in that moment. The taste was nothing compared to the feeling of it filling him, being absorbed by him. Human blood healed him much quicker than any animal blood did. He needed more though. But he needed to be cautious. This was still Jesse.

He looked up to Tulip, a drip trickling down his lips. She was cradling Jesse’s head. Not that he was in pain, but just as a subtle comfort. At least, Cassidy hoped. She just nodded at him, allowing him to continue. So he did. He ran his tongue along the cut, eliciting a sigh out of Jesse. It didn’t sound pained, but Cass made a note to avoid doing that.

The thing about their positions was Cass was taller than Jess, and it wasn’t the most comfortable. He felt his body reacting, hand flitting to the preacher’s sides, legs stretching out on either side of Jesse’s hips, making himself more comfortable. He sucked a little harder. Jesse’s muscles tensed, but he didn’t pull away yet.

Cass noticed that he had begun healing almost immediately when he had started. His skin stitched itself together. Blisters and blemishes shrank and faded. Cracks sealed and, when Tulip brought her hand to his head, he felt that he had regrown his hair. A little longer than he had initially had it, long enough for her to grab and pull. She did, but she didn’t pull him away. No, she pulled his head into a better position so that he could look up at her and see her grinning down to him.

The eye contact was uncommon while he did this, but entirely welcome. His body reacted again, but instead of trying to make himself comfortable, his fingers kneaded into Jesse’s skin, massaging his flesh and muscles. His eyes snapped shut again as she gave a sharp little tug to his hair.

“Do you even hear the noises you’re makin’, Cass?” she jested, tracing a thumb along his temple. In all honesty, he hadn’t. “Not just your tongue, but you have this little whimper.” She tugged again. Her ministrations did something. Blood may be one thing, but the feel of Jesse beneath his mouth, his regeneration, and her fingers in his hair? He nipped a little at Jesse’s skin, but nothing more than a gentle scrape. It was enough to draw a groan from the man beneath his mouth. Cass drew back immediately, not wanting to make Jess any more distressed than he already was.

In reality, he’d probably only had a few vials, and that normally wouldn’t be enough to heal him entirely, but he felt as though his body was in prime condition. Either it was another trick from Genesis, or the adrenaline of it all.

He looked around Jesse’s body, to check and see if he was huddled in pain or fear, but he didn’t expect what he saw. Jesse had his face pressed to Tulip’s skin between her sweater and dress, eyes closed and mouth open. Her knee was pressed to the inside of his thigh, right next to what seemed to be a growing bulge. Jesse’s hand were inching their way up her dress, pulling up the fabric with it.

Feeling embarrassed, Cass crawled back and away from them. Or, at least, began to when he remembered that Tulip’s fingers were still tangled in his hair. “Where d’you think your goin’?”

“Didn’t think ya’d want me ta interrupt this, uh-” She shut him up with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can just end it here, if you want. But the next chapter is def gonna be porn, jsyk. really, this was all just a build up to porn. don't worry, i'm ashamed enough for the both of us.
> 
> also, i made it "pardre" on account of that's how gilgun has cass say it in the show. one panel they were all in, Ruth finally told him he wasn't even saying it with an irish accent - he was just cocking it up, and i love that.


End file.
